He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
