i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
