wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hippo gnu deer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
