do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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