Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
