im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
