I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
