He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
