I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
40s are totally the cure
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
