when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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