i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize