I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
