I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
