there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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