Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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