I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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