You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
