I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
