dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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