I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
