I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
