3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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