mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am mentally ready for anal.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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