First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it's great music for shaving your balls
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
