I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
