he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize