i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
