Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
