if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
