my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
