I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
