well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
