I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
