areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
BRING THE BAGELS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have post one night stand depression
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