I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
