I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
