Don't you send me to vm
I just pynch a tree in the face
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
