I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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