Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
