We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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