so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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