Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
