I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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