There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize