were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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