When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
