there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
