Im at strip club and am horny
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
