This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
