How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
