Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
