Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you win again, gameday.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
