We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i've created a new STD.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
