M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
