Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
