My nipple is on Facebook.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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