went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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