One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
