wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
