if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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