Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize