she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
