You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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