Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Randomize
