I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
