Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
