I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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