hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
